You Bet Your Soul
When I was a small child this was the bedtime prayer I had to say: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Needless to say, the first few times I said that one wit...

Feeding Vol
This year I got an outdoor wood-burner which turned out to be a good investment with the price of home heating oil sky-rocketing. It's less so because the Winter here in the Midwest has been unseasonably warm - until now that is. February chilled dow...

Our Computer Overlords
My hero, Captain Kirk, used to regularly take on threatening artificial intelligences on Star Trek and he would just as regularly kick their butts. All he ever had to do was outsmart them with a bit of silliness and if they were a robot, android, or ...

The Blonde Preservation Act
Geneticists theorize that in less than two hundred years there will be no natural blondes left in the human species. Is everybody else filled with as much horror and shock as I am by this ominous prediction? Can you imagine what the world would be li...

Grilled Cheese Madonna
I just figured out how to make grilled cheese sandwhiches on my George Forman grill. I gotta tell you that I love that thing - about my half my meals in 2005 were cooked courtesy of that former boxer's genius, which means if not for him I'd be only h...

Glowing Green Pigs
Scientists have discovered that by injecting fetal pig embryos with phosphorescent dyes the adult pigs will have green skin and glow in the dark. All I can about this is: Well, it's about time! I can't count the number of times I needed to find my pi...

Amazing non-Psychic Predictions
Before I start with my Amazing non-Psychic Predictions I've got to ask: Has anyone else noticed how remarkably lousy psychics have been lately? I mean, where were the psychic predicting Katrina and the giant Tsunami or even Nine Eleven? Not a peep. D...

A meowing of Cats
Here's a tip for next Christmas, if you have a cat: Hang the bottom branches of your tree with cat toys. That way your feline will be delighted and you won't be irritated by it constantly knocking down and destroying your prized Christmas ornaments. ...

The Son he Wished he'd Never Had
Rumor has it that President George Bush had been on the outs with his Pa, ex-president George Bush. The issue is the senior Bush's warm friendship with that scoundrel Bill Clinton. I guess you can't blame W to much for being jealous, because W never ...

Dolphin Dreams
Dolphins, I've just found out, do not sleep at all. This, supposedly, is why they have such unnecessarily large brains for what they need to do. Because they never sleep, they also don't dream and since they don't dream they have to have large brains...

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