Fear of Rejection
It’s How You Handle It
Author’s note: After interviewing and working with hundreds of salespeople, and people considering the field of sales, they say their #1 fear is the fear of rejection. They’ve told me this is either the reason they never got into sales to begin with, or why they wanted to get out of it at the first opportunity. This article on the subject focuses on this problem 85% of salespeople suffer from, discusses why the problem needs to be solved, and gives three solutions, you may or may not agree with. Two of the three work. Ironically, it’s the one that doesn’t that’s championed by managers and scorned by their salespeople. This information is based upon frank discussions I’ve had privately with these people I’ve interviewed for the past 30 years. (The problem never goes away.) It was the result of these discussions and years of research that contributed to me creating and offering the third, proven, solution.
“If it hurts to raise your arm…then don’t raise it! It’s pretty simple.” – Dr. Phil McGraw
Question: what’s the problem with the fear of rejection? Answer: it stops you from doing what needs to be done.
What needs to be done? Find new customers. Increase sales. Specifically, the process of doing what it takes to find new customers and increase sales. If you can’t do the process, should you even be in sales?
Take a seat the sales manager commands. Why aren’t you making your cold calls? No more excuses. Do it. Returning to your desk, your hand hovers above the receiver. It shakes. You keep trying to clear the cobwebs out of your throat but you can’t. Your mouth is as dry as sawdust. Your lips silently rehearse the script one more time. Receiver’s in hand. Hesitation. Punch the first three digits. Stall. Receiver’s down. You can’t do it. (Only 5% of salespeople spend at least 30 minutes a day cold calling.) Fear of rejection stops you from doing what needs to be done.
You’re excited to get the referral. You’ll call her when you get back to the office. Promise. You will this time. Really. Back at your desk you’re interrupted. Customer problem. Take care of it. Service stops by. Quick question. Answered. Billing calls. Problem with your best account. Resolved. Day’s done. Never got around to calling that lead. Tomorrow you will. For sure.
Arriving at the office late because of early appointments, you have colored post-it-calls-to-return decorating your monitor like a Christmas tree gone berserk. Emails to compose. Paperwork that needs one last look. Done. Make the call. Why? She probably doesn’t need it. Probably not qualified. Probably too expensive for her. Probably won’t take my call. Forget it. Probably not a good lead anyway. (Over 50% of referred leads are never contacted.) Fear of rejection takes many forms. Fear of rejection stops you from doing what needs to be done.
The manufacturer’s rep introduces an exciting new product at your sales meeting. All your customers will be interested he says. He does the entire FAB thing: features, advantages, benefits. The sales manager smiles and silently computes her bonus from the new sales. But her dream is not yours. You have more pressing things to do. Calls turning into emergencies, reports to research, proposals to finalize. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. The week’s done. The product sits on the shelf like the best kept NSA secret.
Why didn’t you call? Well…it’s been several months since you last spoke with each customer. They probably won’t remember you. How embarrassing is that? Maybe they’re unhappy with the last product they bought from you. Otherwise they’d have called with another order wouldn’t they? Better let sleeping dogs lie. Like most salespeople you have time to keep in contact with only your very best customers. Sure all your customers could use the new product but you never call. Come to think of it, you don’t even tell your best customers. (The majority of salespeople are too embarrassed to cross-sell. They feel it’s unprofessional or they’re being too pushy.) Your customers will hear about the new product from your competitors before you’ll ever get roundtuit. Fear of rejection forces you to wave the white flag again. Fear of rejection stops you from doing what needs to be done.
You’ve been invited to a networking function. Can’t get out of it. You hate socializing and small talk. How boring. You’d rather stick pins into the tips of your toes. But go you must. It’s not an option. Spotting another co-worker you isolate yourself for the evening. Safety. Comfort. How about that game last night? Naw, he’ll never be re-elected. Wonder what kind of shotgun he was using for that quail? What do you think of the new guy in sales? You sneak out early. What a waste of time you tell yourself as you creep along in the stalled traffic on the Interstate. (Over 90% of people are uncomfortable networking. 80% of the top salespeople are.) Fear of rejection in the form of a networking ghost haunts you like a Stephen King horror. It seems to always be hiding behind the next door. Fear of rejection stops you from doing what needs to be done.
Selling is a process
Managers are the strategists, they set the goals: find new customers and increase the sales. Salespeople are the tacticians. They make it happen. They perform the process of finding new customers and increasing sales.
What needs to be done? What’s the process salespeople must perform? Get referrals. Follow-up on leads. Cross-sell customers. Keep the customers they have so they’ll buy more and not go to the competition. Network with others to get referrals for new customers. Keep the pipeline full. That’s what needs to be done. That’s the process. That’s why you were hired. To make it happen.
What stops you from doing what needs to be done? Fear of rejection.
But what if you could eliminate that fear? Or at least handle it? Even better, avoid it? (Refer to Dr. Phil above.) If you knew what to do, if it worked, and if you never had to face the fear of rejection again, would you follow that path?
Three paths
To deal with the fear of rejection, you can follow one of three paths. The first is favored by 99% of managers: the Nike approach. Live with the fear and JUST DO IT! After training over 150,000 people in sales for the last thirteen years (yes, including people with titles like “Sales Manager”, “VP of Sales”, “Executive VP of Sales”, and “CEO”) I can count on one finger how many times the Nike approach has been a successful strategy with salespeople. That’s not true. I don’t even need one finger.
The reason managers like this approach is (a) they’re in the 15% who are not bothered by the fear of rejection; (b) they don’t have to make the calls; (c) whereas salespeople can easily get rejected 20-30 times a day, the manager can only be rejected once in a blue moon – by the boss; (d) they don’t have any other ideas; (e) they can’t afford the second path (below) for their staff; or (f) they didn’t know they had the choice of the third path.
The second path to deal with the fear of rejection is to go into therapy. This will work but don’t count on your company’s support. Your company may have sent you into therapy, but they’re not going to pay for it. Psychologists know at least a dozen reasons why you have the fear of rejection. Included are a poor self-esteem; an irrational fear that people won’t accept you for who you are; or a state-of-mind that makes you incapable of doing or saying anything that would get others to disapprove of you.
And the third path: you can skip the couch and the Nike shout and use a tool that allows you to do what needs to be done and avoid (Dr. Phil again) the fear of rejection altogether. That’s right. You don’t need to conquer the fear to do what needs to be done. You can avoid it, do what needs to be done, and still get what you want. A winning trifecta.
It was the doing what needs to be done, to get what you want, without the fear that led to my creation of the You’ve Got Contacts D-I-Y Sales & Marketing Email Postcards™ tool. This tool avoids raising your arm if it hurts – the fear of rejection. I wanted a no-brainer, no-fear tool that works whether you’re afraid or not. (If you’re interested to see how it works, download my free ebook, Creating Sales Opportunities – Five Proven Ways, at our website http://www.YouveGotContacts.com.)
It’s your choice. Nike. Expensive therapy. Or an inexpensive tool. The first never works. The second and third do. One just does it faster and more inexpensively and doesn’t require therapy.
© 2007 Jerry Hocutt. Author of PDQtips™ on Cold Calling which you can download at http://www.ColdCallingForCowards.com.
About the Author: I’ve Been Compared to David Letterman. My mission: to help Salesknockers™ (the rare and seldom seen business person or salesperson who creates their own opportunities) succeed. I’ve trained over 150,000 people in business since 1992 through our nationally acclaimed Cold Calling for Cowards® seminars. (“He’s the Zen Master of Cold Calls” – Los Angeles Times.) I’ve been compared to David Letterman by the New Brunswick (NJ) Star-Ledger (“Lord of the Rings”). “Okay, so he’s not David Letterman.” (I didn’t say it was flattering. Just that I’ve been compared to him.)
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