Parenting Tip Number 1 Of All Parenting Tips
Wherever you look nowadays you find new parenting tips; tips that claim by using them you will raise happy, smart and self confident children. Everyone of them has their twist on how to do.
However the most important parent tip which is fundamental to ALL parenting advice is (don't laugh) DO SOMETHING and just don't philosophize about the definition of a good parent, how good parenting affects our society, or even what is the best way to become one. Until you DO something, nothing will change!
This might sound obvious but, unfortunately, many parents spend hours and hours, and night after night reading parenting articles until their head bursts with inspiration, anecdotes, and learning the steps to become a better parent. Unfortunately it stops there and they don't do anything except to philosophize.
If you can identify with the above then think for a minute 4 ways that too much research sabotages your quest to be a good parent.
- BAD LEARNING METHOD: Active, "hands on", learning is much more effective than passive learning. When we only theorize or visualize situations we often miss little but very crucial points. (Like the first-time father who read manual after manual on how to change diapers. When the day came to change the first diaper he discovered that the baby doesn't stay in one place while being changed but cries and moves around. Yes, it was quite messy, but he quickly learnt how to do it.)
Only when we actually carry out what we learn can we judge its effectiveness.
- DOWNWARD SPIRALING: Problem situations that are not dealt with usually grow worse with time. For instance, if your child has a tooth ache but you don't want to bring him to a dentist until you do extensive research on different modern methods of filling cavities the poor child will suffer and the situation will only get worse and worse. Although you only have little Johnny's best interest in mind, if you don't get him to a dentist this little cavity could develop into a root canal!
Remember, a lot of problems require immediate action before the situation becomes irreversible.
- SELF DECEPTION: Excessive research makes you feel like you have reached your goal. Parenting books are written so nicely that they give you the feeling that you have already reached your goal of good parenting even before you do anything.
Aesop depicted this problem beautifully hundreds of years ago.
Miriam the Milkmaid was carrying milk in a pail on her head going to the market. While walking she began daydreaming and thinking what she would do with the money she would get for the milk. "I'll buy some chickens from my neighbor Farmer Brown," said she, "and they will lay eggs, which I will sell to my neighbor Mrs. Jones.
With that money I'll buy myself a beautiful new dress and hat; and when I go to market Denise McShale (my classmate) will be so jealous at my new clothes...; but I don't care. I shall just look at her and toss my head like this. While living in her dreamworld Patty tossed her head back and..... boom! the pail fell off it, and out spilt the milk. She went running home to her mother crying and told her what happened.
"Ah, my child," the mother said with a half smile, "Never count your chickens before they hatch."
- FEELING OF BEING OVERWHELMED: Just as each person has his and her unique personality so to every author and psychologist has a special way to parenting. Some feel that you develop your children's ability to express themselves and others feel that you stress your child's productiveness. Some profess that you should be authoritative and others that you be permissive. Most have validity but it is impossible to do all of them. (Did you ever try to turn left and right at the same time?)
Therefore, too much research can simply paralyze you.
Before you go, one last point. Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting not to do ANY research. On the contrary, if you don't where you are going you surely won't get there.
I'm only saying, for your own sake and for the sake of your children, beware of "analysis paralysis". Rather after you find some good advice that makes sense to you; take immediate action and do something to become a truly great parent!
About the Author: Shevach Pepper is the founder and moderator of http://www.valuable-family-relationships-advice.com. Visit there and discover more parenting tips that will make your parenting easier. YOU and your whole family will be happy that you did!
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Print Article | Download PDF | 26 views | May 08 2008
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