4 Ways You Don’t Want to Die
When I’ve done all I can to live this wonderful, wonderful life of mine, maybe have a successful career, become a guajillionaire, raise amazing kids who will outdo me and carry my name, live on a farm and reap the rewards of a retirement, there’s only one thing to look forward to, right? However grim the inevitable is, and, well, honestly, I’m looking forward to an awesome death.
Something that involves me going in my sleep, or maybe one that involves me leaving a cliffhanger sentence? (“The treasure is buried in …”) Something like that. Now there are other, more awesome ways to go, but I won’t detail ‘em here. In fact, I’m here for the opposite. Like many people, (or maybe few?) I have a list of things that I DO NOT want to happen to me in my last moments.
Drowning or Asphyxiation or, just plain not breathing … to death. There should be parental discretion warnings just before the nightly news. Some news are just not meant to be seen by kid eyes. See, when I was a kid, there was this news about a giant ferry that sunk — and days and days and days of search-and-rescue have yet to catch up with the count of the people missing. Then they used the choppers — and we, of the “we eat dinner in front of the tv” families got a shocking view of bloated corpses on salt water. Just imagine, bodies bloating from too much water exposure, skin stretched out to as far as it can go, and well, terrors of the deep probably eyeing the delicious morsel just floating about. Freaky! So, say I’m out on a cruise … that thought will always, always linger in my head.
Medical malpractice. News in the Philippines are making waves because, as it turned out, some inept nurse or doctor “leaked” a “documentation” of an operation. Not only is this a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality, it’s also unethical. The worst thing is, you couldn’t do anything about it at the moment. You are heavily sedated, and that’s why hospitals always make me queasy. I’m never sure what they do there, maybe play a little sedated surfing, plus, interns might be there — I DO NOT want to be an autopsy body. So what will I do? Ask not to get anaesthetized? Or, the harder alternative, try to keep healthy?
Decapitation or amputation. There was this .gif file circulating Digg a while back, like, supergluing your hands to the side of your head just before you jump with a noose on your neck. It’d then seem like you tore your head out your neck, right? Wrong. I’m guessing the flaps of skin, muscle and tissue, plus the bone would impede. What scares me is losing an arm, or a leg, or worse, a head, by accident. (Or some other brutal means.) I mean, come on! When the day for the dead rising comes, would I want to be the worst looking shambling zombie???
Alcohol poisoning. Respect the alcohol, or it will whup your ass. I certainly don’t want to go out like these guys. (Caution: NSFW, or, Not Safe For Work!)
About the Author: Andy Biggins knows that life isn't a box of chocolates but he loves it as sweetly as if it were! Travelling and Gadgets rule his world, and if you want to know more about his thoughts on just about those 2 topics, swing by his site The Big Life
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Print Article | Download PDF | 87 views | Apr 29 2008
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