Behavior Modification- It IS Possible
Behavior Modification just like behavior management & Anger Management is a misnomer. Humans naturally resists being modified or managed. Men and women are just like springs: the harder you push on them the harder their resistance. The most excellent method is Self Modification as a forum in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if done correctly has the ability to go deep and transform faulty thinking errors and self degrading behaviors. The following story is one example of a cognitive restructuring text.
Amy lived in fear of Cord. She couldn't do right when he was around. He had powerful muscles and when he lost control in irate anger, his hand became a deadly weapon that could destroy her with one hit. Her 128lb frame was very little defense.
Amy kept him from his sexual fantasies and desire for different females. Consequently he would provoke in her the behavior that he upset him so that he could justify his actions. He was deeply self deceived and believed she was the problem. He was frequently concentrating on her weaknesses while in all actuality she was a faithful, smart, educated woman and loving mother.
Amy joined millions of other women and men caught up in the murkiness of abuse, horrible existence of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. Different from attack by a stranger, tight bonds of attachment and involuntary programming keep the victim connected to the abuser in an ever-cycling habit of violence.
Domestic violence is a systemic disease �� that is, it is ingrained in a person's life. It produces many symptoms and, unless the disorder itself is eliminated, the symptoms will continue.
1. Can you name a few of the symptoms or outward signs of domestic abuse? _____________________________
2. Why is domestic violence more emotionally hurtful than violence by someone you don't know? ___________________________
3. How did Amy overcome her disease? ____________________________________________________________
4. What happens if her and people like her do not stop the abuse through complete separation but remain attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________
5. Severing relationships is often upsetting and it can hurt a lot. Why is it wrong to judge those who linger in abusive relationships? __________________________________
Those who are abused need encouragement and support, not contempt. T or F?
6. How should you sever the emotional ties of a disastrous marriage? ________________________________________
VALIDATION
To really comprehend the abyss of domestic violence, a person must comprehend the high that comes from interdependency, where both partners get their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs satisfied. Meeting someone's Hierarchy of Physical needs which are: oxygen, water, food, clothing, shelter � is not complicated, but meeting a person's emotional needs is a different question. Please take the following test:
On a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage for the last two years.
� Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; He/She was always there for me.
� Need to be validated � My partner made me feel that I was a good person.
� Need to be affirmed � My partner made me feel important; I was making a difference in his/her life.
� Need to be understood � My partner listened to me; What I said was understood.
� Need to be appreciated - My partner appreciated all that I did for him/her.
� Need to be secure � I had a home where I felt safe and secure.
Total=
Excellent: 30-24
Problem: 23-17
Harmful: 16-6
7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket (excellent/problem/harmful) did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? _______________
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About the Author: Larry Lloyd founded the American Community Corrections Institute. ACCI sponsors a news blog about criminal behavior and related topics.
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