The Unsinkable Tim Knox
Anyone out there old enough to remember 'The Omega Man,' the 1971 film starring Charlton Heston as Colonel Robert Neville, the last "normal" man on earth? You remember, everyone else on the planet had been turned into deranged albino-mutants by some ...

The Tax Man Cometh
Someone once said that there are only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. I would argue that death and taxes are really one and the same, the only difference being that death can only claim you once, while taxes can kill you every y...

The Tanya Factor
Is it me or are the 1998 Winter Olympics about as exciting as watching old people speedwalk at the mall? Don't get me wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but when the nightly highlight show contains fifteen minutes of slow-motion replays of the ...

The Smarter White Meat
I know you're probably going to find this hard to believe, especially those of you who write in every week seeking my advice on life's really tough problems (Note to Marvin in Mobile: Yes, no, ask your doctor, I think that's illegal in ALL 50 states,...

The Sky Is Falling
The other morning, I was sitting at my kitchen table eating my usual bowl of generic cereal (Crispy Hexagons, to be exact), when the national news came on TV. The top stories of the day were: "A giant, killer asteroid is headed toward Earth, and Amer...

The Religion Of Football
Here in Alabama, there are three classes of people: Alabama Crimson Tide fans, Auburn Tiger fans, and atheists. Two of the three will go to Hell when they die. Which two depends entirely on who you ask. Those Alabamians who like football but have no ...

The Real McCaugheys
The birth of the McCaughey Septuplets has everyone thinking and talking babies. Even couples who have never before felt the desire to hear the pitter-patter of little feet stepping all over their stuff are considering taking the plunge. You hear them...

The New Fab Four
The news of their arrival reached these shores long before they did. A massive ad campaign introduced them to America and touted their status as Britain's "New Fab Four." There was an extensive media blitz launched by the television network that woul...

The Intelligent Diaper
I believe it was Frank Zappa who said, "Necessity is the mother of invention," which means that if there is a public need for something, sooner or later, someone will invent it; and then Microsoft will steal the idea, produce a cheaper, far inferior ...

The Four Letters Between PG & R
When I was a kid, there were certain words you just didn't say in front of your parents, or any grownup suspected of being a parental snitch. Swear words, my mama called them, cuss words, words little kids shouldn't say lest the Bad Word Police come ...

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